Have you ever been in a situation when you felt really confused, conflicted or uncertain about making a choice or decision and turned to someone for guidance, advice or direction? You could have turned to a friend, member of your family, teacher, guru, therapist, psychic, manager or someone worthy of helping you. Perhaps you just needed to be heard, understood and provided with advice, an opinion or something to take you in the right direction. You may have succeeded in being heard and or understood however what if the advice, opinion or direction you sought did not befall? Instead the response meted out was “you just need to look inward, all the answers are within you”.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of such a devastating clout?. It could have floored you lower than the conflict you already faced. You may have bemoaned silently “why would I bother to ask you if you think that’s what I needed to hear”. You probably condemned yourself for your idiocy in expecting rationality, level-headedness or even wisdom from someone you believed had that capability. Understandably some situations could be perceived as too onerous by the person you approach, steering them away from getting embroiled. Nonetheless, let’s step aside, for a moment, from the reasons people tend to respond in such a manner and focus on ourselves.
For many years I had the good fortune to not really seek personal advice or assistance from others. As time rolled on I was eventually compelled to learn lessons associated with the opposite spectrum of that good fortune. In the past I always solved my problems by myself as I believe there could be nobody else who could understand my problem better than I could hence I am the best person to solve it; which worked pretty well up to a point. In due course the universe revved up the complexity of challenges that came my way and against my better judgement I was ensnared to consult with others. So yes, I know the astringent taste of being told “you just need to look inward, all the answers are within you”. It perplexed me at the time as I could not understand why people would sidestep an opportunity to share their thoughts or advise. Left without a choice I was often left to introspect and do what I always did; trust myself and my decisions regardless of the state of my mind.
We generally tend to turn to others for help around making choices or decisions when we are not functioning optimally; we may be heavily stressed or burdened, compromised mentally, physically, emotionally or simply be going through some challenging times which derails our ability to make sound decisions with clarity. This may or may not resonate with you however I came to realise that each time we turn to others for help or guidance we subliminally know what we would like to hear from them. In other words we share our story, they listen, possibly understand and in the event that they do respond with ideas, which may be a tad bit unaligned with our perspective; our natural reaction is to fire myriad of counter arguments, questions and inverted views toward their response. We subconsciously or unconsciously work fervently at getting them to see our well embedded position, so they would agree with us and confirm what we already know. One could pull this manoeuvre consciously as well, in the hope of acquiring a specific response or outcome, very much in accordance with their own view, to confirm they are right. In the absence of an agreement we very likely resist the guidance offered and somewhat lose trust in their judgement or opinion. Ultimately the other person may gently withdraw either of exasperation or exhaustion. We bemoan once again around what a waste of time that was.
The moral of the story is that we do have the answers even when we are confused, conflicted or uncertain, however if the state of our mind is compromised and shrouded further by the cloak of maya we tend to seek answers outside of ourselves, to confirm what we already know.
I put this to test at the weekend when I bumped into someone I know well. She appeared anxious and overwhelmed. She shared her dilemma obviously seeking a direct answer. I tweaked the dispiriting version of “you just need to look inward, all the answers are within you” response. Instead I offered “If you had to sit alone in quietude for a little while and just tap into your heart space, what would you do, what would make you happy, what would make this go away?” She didn’t have to go home to find out. Her immediate response was “I do know what to do, and you always know what to say at the right time”.
This does not mean that we should never consult with others when help is required; there may be times when it cannot be avoided. It is however wise to use discernment. Life constantly throws us challenges, curve-balls, twists and turns, pulling the rug from under our feet or unpredictably changing the game plan. Are we supposed to seek solutions outside ourselves each time that occurs? Can any person outside ourself consistently know what is truly best for us relative to the lessons that must be learned by us, the strengths that must be developed, the unhealthy patterns that should be discarded or the karma that must be burned? Such life lessons are scrupulously designed to teach us to go within to find the answers ourself, learn the lesson and move on. It may take courage, faith and conviction to go it alone at first. Failing, faltering or falling should not be feared, it is necessary to polish our potential to strive inward.
Going Inward or Going Outward…here’s a choice and decision for you to consider?
