Self-Inquiry Or Inquiry of Others Part 3

The Oxford Dictionary defines "awakening",  as the act of becoming aware or understanding something new, or the start of something like a feeling or realization. It can also signify the beginning of something, like a revival or a new period of interest”.   I guess the term can also mean different things to different people.  I am fascinated by the hype the word has attracted in recent times.  

 

In the previous two posts I ventured into exploring and understanding myself at a deeper level.  It was indeed a useful endeavour.  I experienced, realised, recognised and became aware of many aspects of myself.  I delved deeper.  I spent more time in silence, just being.  I often starred out my patio at the tree tops, listened to the birds, watched the clouds in the sky, admired the magnificence of the flowers.  Just starring..no thoughts.  It reminded me of times in primary school when as learners we looked out the window and drifted into a daydream and the teacher furiously dragged our attention back to his/her lesson.  The daydream was so precious, peaceful, restful, comforting.  When we drift off into  thoughtlessness now, life pulls us back, almost as aggressively. 

 

My moments of peace, tranquillity and calm became more noticeable over time.  In those moments burdens dropped, the feeling of being captured eroded, experience of life as daunting faded, strength from new gained freedom amplified and a sense of complete lightness became obvious.  And with that I let it all go, there was no gain from constantly swimming upstream, planning things to detail, having expectations, striving, seeking, searching, overextending, stressing, worrying, controlling.  There is no control.  There is value in managing expectations, being ready for unpredictable outcomes, taking more balanced than polarised views, seeing people, situations and the world as they are, allowing life to unfold naturally, using thought, knowledge and intellect purposefully and being aware and mindful of all thoughts and actions. This realisation or state  is  ego centred and very much of mind/body experience which nonetheless is not to be scoffed at.  It is necessary to manage our daily lives whether at work, interacting with people or meeting other life related responsibilities.

 

I went on to question “what and who exactly did I realise?”.  Turns out it was my mind…my body…that which I am not.  There was never anything to realise.  I can just be …and it requires no practice nor effort.  It requires nothing.  There is nothing to awaken.  In doing nothing and allowing life to flow, I can just be.  There is no pressure or desire to seek anything more.  Seeking would be ego centric.

 

I am happy to just gaze at the view outside my patio and happier that no teacher is going to disturb me…

Self-Inquiry Or Inquiry of Others Part 2

The Previous post, Self-Inquiry or Inquiry of Others,  Part 1,  delved into aspects of the self we prefer to avoid. Unfortunately those areas tend to require more work and effort than areas that are working well.  Exploring the favourable aspects of ourselves is not to be undervalued as they reveal our strengths, admirable qualities and areas where we experience  success.  It is important to acknowledge these areas so they can be enhanced to serve us better. Polishing and refining these aspects of ourselves can assist us in managing more effectively the changes required in the areas that need transformation. 

The crux of the previous post was around my choice to find myself, my path, and  my purpose based on self-exploration.  That was just the beginning.  It is always work in progress as self-inquiry in not a destination.  Aware of this I sought more and I enquired further.  The deeper one delves into the self the more one discovers.  I came to learn and realise aspects of myself I had no idea existed.  These insights would never have come to the fore had I not gone within to enable it.  What follows is a more practical explanation of how it showed up for me:

·      Emotional Control

It gave me a greater sense of my emotions, the nature of my emotions, the dynamics of my emotions and the reasons thereof.  For example, in the past I often felt tense, heavy, strained or stressed when I was compelled to accept something I did not agree with; and without question.  I was further frustrated when others could not keep an open mind and listen to diverse perspectives or when age or gender was used as the rationale for being right.  It would anger me if they took a side based on preference, demonstrated ineffective leadership or was simply resistant to change based on their limiting beliefs.  My experience of such individuals,   judgement of their behaviours and responses to their actions revealed aspects of myself, that I needed to explore.  The problem was not them, the problem was my perspective and reaction to their thinking, behaviours or actions.  I wasted time, energy, effort and so much more from becoming stressed, frustrated, angry or simply being emotionally reactive.  They were showing me what I needed to change about myself.  Fundamentally we cannot or should not attempt to change others, we can and should always persevere in changing ourselves befittingly.  Others have the right to be who they are or as they are just as I have the right to do the same.  Such insights gave meaning to my interpretations, comprehension, perspectives, reactions, frustrations and more relative to my communications with others which taught me to configure responses better and maintain more effective emotional regulation.

·      Improved Choices, Decisions and Outcomes

Exploring myself, my relationship with those close to me and the outer world enabled me to re-visit my values, principles, beliefs and everything important to me.  What clearly worked in the past was no longer sustainable.  Much had changed.  I recognised a stark misalignment between my beliefs and what I deemed to be meaningful, important or just.  Understanding myself improved my understanding of others and my world which now enables me to make choices and decisions, aligned with my values which notably produced outcomes acceptable to me and relevant to my journey. Outcomes such as peace, acceptance and quietude. 

·      Personal Growth 

Riding the waves, facing fears, confronting shadows, wrestling challenges etc compelled that I be prepared for anything.  I had to keep an open mind, build resilience, manage shocks, see things for what they are, drop expectations, adapt when required, make uncomfortable or controversial changes.   By far the most powerful lesson was to trust and believe in myself.  I learned the value of self-reliance, having faith, looking inward for answers, trusting my intuition, developing endurance and never dropping god especially  when times tempt it.

·      The False Self

Aspects of the “false self” provided perhaps the most indispensable insights. These were essentially roles, titles, characteristics, acquisitions, achievements, beliefs etc driven by ego, sensory gratification or conditioned molding.  It is the identity that develops over time based on how we are seen by those outside of ourself.  This identity can be constructed around how we would like to be seen (as opposed to who we are),  it may be shaped haphazardly if one is unaware or it could be influenced by family, social norms and so on.    It is associated with fitting into society, being recognised or gaining approval or alignment with norms, expectations, competition etc.

My false self was nourished by meeting familial expectations in acquiring a host of qualifications and titles, conforming with social norms relative to career, lifestyle and limiting beliefs.  My preference to not fully disclose personal aspects of myself or my life to others has and continues to pique curiosity and interest from many around me.  I realised years ago that titles, acquisitions or anything of material value did not and does not define me. My false identity created much dissonance, discomfort and discontent which necessitated changes.  In recognising much of my false self I prioritised work to align with my true self, my true nature.

·      The True Self

My interests, attention, values, beliefs, ideas and convictions are progressively becoming my own. I value them, they resonate with me and I am able to change, adapt or recreate as I please.  My view of myself is authentic and is the view for others to see.  It gives me a sense of calm, peace and quietness, that was not reachable before.

Understanding a bit about the True Self is by no means the end of the journey, I would peg it as the beginning.  It did not take long before my attention sped off to exploring more of the True Self.  I wanted to know more about my consciousness (my soul), who I am at that level and my connection to the universe.  What is my connection with the universe… the one thing that keeps me here?.  The one thing I came with and the very thing I will leave with, in returning to the universe.  I found this to be the breath.  Indeed…the breath.  

There may be numerous writers, experts, philosophers out there who explored the breath and beyond; please be reminded that this is merely a personal share, guided to be written by my mentor, my guru, the master of my universe; sage Agasthya.

I perceive my breath as my identity in this universe.  I am connected with the universe via my breath and the universe is connected to me via my breath.  Work on understanding the breath enhanced my understanding of the self, elevated my connection with the universe, enriched my spiritual practices (silence) and increasingly produced favourable results.  Some of these results included a more heightened connection with the universe such as frequent synchronicities, a greater experience of calm and tranquillity in nature and an improved understanding of the functioning and operations within nature and the universe itself.  Spending time alone with myself has become my wealthiest investment, enriched by silence, stillness and calm.  I frequently gather insights and answers to what I seek and am able to make connections thereof  to my challenges, defeats and life lessons.  At this point it, is important to note that everyone including youself have the ability to do this.  It is not an extraordinary feat available to a selected few.  It does not make me special or privildeged by any stretch of the imagination.  We are all connected to the universe but maya, under the cloak of disturbances obscures our realisation of this truth.

 

The journey continues…

Self-Reflection

I encourage you to journal, document and capture your spiritual ventures, enquiries, endeavours, findings and more…drop the fear…your True Self beckons…

 

Self-Inquiry or Inquiry of Others Part 1

There are currently hordes of people seeking realisation, with more and more joining the pursuit every day.  This is highly commendable and more should be encouraged to do so.  I recall the beginning of my venture some years ago; characterised by much excitement, optimism, hope, interest, curiosity, possibilities and more.  Over time however, I encountered confusion, perplexity, frustration, doubts, difficulty in understanding and an accrual of mystifying questions.  This is not uncommon and I consoled myself  saying that it was part of the process.  I preface this piece by iterating this to be my views, opinions, sentiments and realisations hence based on personal experience and I invite you to endeavour a similar exploration to uncover your own perspectives.  The magic of such a mission is that you cannot and will not be wrong about  whatever you unearth of yourself, by yourself…an assurance not offered by many ventures.

 

Like many before me I sought all the conventional sources, approaches, techniques and systems to understand and realise my path, purpose and myself.  I delved into scriptures, mantras, chanting, meditation, rituals, yoga, vegetarianism, philanthropy, pilgrimages to sacred destinations, the works of numerous spiritual experts and philosophers and encounters with gurus, swamis and evolved beings.   My efforts were sincere, committed and serious.  Of these efforts, I will acknowledge two outcomes;  one being the enormous spiritual fulfilment and gratification that resulted from it and two, my goal in realising my path, purpose and myself still eluded me.  Something was amiss and something had to change if I were to achieve my goal.  

 

I revisited the works of J. Krishnamurti, the world-renowned philosopher, speaker, and writer who focused on individual transformation from direct experience, personal inquiry and relinquishment of conditioned thoughts.  It dominoed a series of profound shifts in my perception of reality and the enigma of truth.  Krishnamurti purports the following as fundamentals to realising the self:

·      Remove everything you have been told, he says, it does   

       not belong to you, it is not original

·      Do not repeat anything in life that another has told you,  

       that you have not perceived or experienced yourself

·      In learning about the self you must see yourself as you   

       are, not as you would like to be 

·      To find the truth negate that which is false, find out for    

        yourself

·      Understanding the self is the foundation without which  

        the truth cannot be known

Understanding this perspective appeared far more simplistic and achievable than the conventionally spun ideologies, practices and prescriptions that evaded me before.  But the proof lied in it’s application and implementation. I recognised “my self-realisation” could only emerge from my own efforts, hence the term “self-realisation.  Following another’s path, system or teachings was going to get me realisation of something else or someone else.  Unfortunately I was now more motivated to pursue and prioritise the achievement of my own realisation hence anything else would have been enrichment activities.  

 

At this point, I do not claim to have achieved complete realisation or anything similar as such a feat is not a destination however I did gain a new perspective which empowered me to explore and  discover insights emergent from my own efforts and from keeping an open mind.  We all have the potential to do this but may have been distracted by tradition, convention, norms or various other indoctrinations convincing us that self-enquiry, realisation or enlightenment can, is, should or must be acquired through certain practices, systems, methods, approaches, techniques and so on.  The knowledge acquired from all of the above does not go to waste at all, as everything we learn holds value.  This becomes more apparent as one’s journey unfolds.

 

On a more personal level, the modification to my approach, supported by the influence of the universe led me to insights and experiences I would not have otherwise encountered.  I had to let go of the need to be driven by the works or content of others (I acknowledge their value in their own right) given that I am the source of my realisation.  I realised that I am in the best position to understand myself hence my efforts, experience and understanding to the process was essential.  I had to bare myself open for analysis, examination, scrutiny and evaluation.  Being realistic, authentic and truthful was central to achieving the best results, most effectively and in the shortest time possible.   I had to face the good, the bad and the ugly.  My mind/body identity gave me rich data, intel and insights thereof.  I honed in on the bad and the ugly, i.e. all the things that I was averse to, that I disliked, avoided, judged, that challenged or repulsed me and more.  These are the very things that hold the most information about us.  Dismissing, ignoring, blocking, averting or denying them hold us back from realising aspects of ourself that require the most work.  I had to confront, process and understand these nemeses to remove it’s control.  They are often associated with emotions such as fear, anxiety, dread, anger, guilt, shame etc; typically anything we would rather not face at all.   Many of my nemeses were related to issues around relationships, particularly family.  I had expected this given that relationships and family are most important to me and are core to my existence. Sadly, over the years, I had unknowingly accumulated a multitude of limiting beliefs, incorrect perceptions, and  misguided view of myself from those closest to me.  This was easy to realise as my relationships with family was highly valued and also most influential. 

 

Within my immediate family, I had a well-structured,  supportive, healthy childhood, being the youngest, with three older brothers.  We enjoyed an amazing, fun filled childhood years and grew to trust, support, protect and love each other unconditionally, well into adulthood. I prioritised family and close one’s above all else, often compromising myself, trusting their discernment, knowledge, wisdom, and respected their ideologies, choices and decisions.   That is the short story.  My spiritual journey however, exposed me to circumstances that had me question  aspects, details and factors beyond the realms of my imagination.  I had over invested in something that would teach me the sorrow of attachment/detachment, putting others ahead of myself revealed the detriment of unhealthy bonding, the false notion of trust, support, protection, expectations and my treasured perception of reality unveiled the devious illusion of maya.  I misunderstood their inherited conditioning for discernment, I misconstrued masculinity for leadership, strength and courage,  I mistook age to be associated with knowledge and wisdom and the respect I held for their ideologies, choices and decisions  no longer aligned with my own.  Introspection revealed that I failed to stand up for myself, voiced how I felt, feared rejection, avoided confrontation, was never taken seriously, accepted being unheard as the youngest, doubted myself and my abilities, believed I was the problem and compromised myself to keep the peace.  I reveal this not as judgement of others but as recognition of my own weaknesses.  These problems were not outside of me but within.  Although they emanated from others, external to me, they remained my problems to address as I only had control of myself and not the behaviours of others.  Furthermore self-inquiry is the exploration of the self not others. The pain and suffering that come at us from others or external sources is the subject matter that guide the inquiry toward self-transformation and personal mastery.  I experienced a flood of experiences from events, interactions, communications and situations which left me astonished, traumatised, outraged, disappointed and depleted.     It was fly or flounder.  There was no going back.  I had to face issues around attachment/detachment, limitations of dependence and reliance on others, disappointments from expectations, regret around accepting convention without question and believing the mirage of it all.  I had to detach from things I valued  most,   prioritise and invest in myself, understand the construct of unconditional value without expectations and acknowledge my own discernment, knowledge and wisdom.  The universe went further to present situations to test me relative to asserting myself, voicing my views fearlessly, remaining unaffected about rejection, alienation or resistance, being confident of my position, believing in myself and my abilities, cognizant that I am not the problem and in ultimately, prioritising my own peace, as opposed to that of others.   This did not unfold without pain, suffering and tears.  It also compelled considerable inward contemplation, courage, emotional endurance and resolve.  

 

I made pretty radical changes to and within myself hence had to manage the shifts relative to others with skill, patience, tact, diplomacy and discernment for the best results and the greater good to all.  Although those close to me were aware of my journey nothing could have prepared them for the magnitude of change that followed, which impacted them as well.  This was particularly relevant to my relationship with siblings.  My changes were not intended to hurt or distress anyone however my choice to disassociate from specific flawed conditioning, outdated thought patterns,  unaligned values and belief systems, the perpetuation of living without question and acceptance of embedded dogmas was not to be received without resistance and discomfort. This did not reduce the value I held for them but rather the value I held for their beliefs and expectations.  My journey was no longer aligned to living aimlessly, lacking direction and following without question and appropriate results.  In finding myself it was imperative to see who I was functioning as, who I was not, what resonated with me, what did not and the extent to which I was being my inherent self or not.  My subsequent changes were informed from these insights and discoveries which illumined my path, purpose and self.  There is no manual, recipe or guidebook to reveal these insights.  One must pursue the search for it, oneself.  

 

As the waves, storms, turmoil, turbulence do it’s work; we confront some ruthless truths,   experience emotions to the very core, dismantle falsehoods once protected, feel the burn in the heart and  must be self-soothed with humility.  In so doing, over time our nemeses loosen their grip, drop control and become futile. We learn to connect more deeply with ourselves and live more authentically, purposefully and meaningfully.   I revert to Krishnamurthi’s view that; to find the truth… that which is false must be removed, which provides the foundation for understanding the self, without which the truth cannot be known.  Worthy of note; self-inquiry requires personal effort, sincere commitment, deep inner exploration, authentic introspection, contemplation, understanding, acceptance and appropriate changes which in my modest opinion am doubtful can be achieved miraculously, effortlessly or magically… 

 

TO BE CONTINUED

Sowing of Spiritual Seeds

Sometimes living our life purpose and executing the tasks associated with it can become a little blurry, particularly if it differs from our occupational roles.  We may have spent much of our life fulfilling a role in a corporate or similar environment characteristic perhaps of self-imposed high standards, lofty expectations, driven by results, immense motivation, sincere commitment, unwavering determination and more.  These personal standards and traits can sometimes unintentionally be expected of others as well, and more importantly they can filter into our spiritual roles.  Spiritual roles however tend to be designed and structured somewhat differently from corporate roles, particularly around  job specifications, performance management and measurement.  

 

Although there may be some similarities between the two roles the spiritual one is distinct for it’s unique, individualised path aligned to the personal journey of each person. The manager navigating the spiritual team is also on his/her personal journey hence he/she is only required to perform their specified task and move on.  Members of the team accept responsibility for their tasks and are accountable for their performance.  It is pretty much a transformational, self-managing system.

 

There are however some spiritual pathways where the leader walks the path and members follow.  The leader navigates, guides and steers based on his personal experiences, acquired knowledge, wisdom and spiritual accomplishments.  The leader leads and members follow hence members inevitably traverse the  journey of their leader as opposed to their own.  There is no judgement in this if one is fully aware of their choice and is happy in pursuing it.  

 

The siddha path however offers the opportunity to learn from experiences of others, translate it into personal knowledge, formulate wisdom and use discernment in discovering the self and one’s purpose.  It encourages spiritual independence, self-management and the pursuit of  bespoke relevant outcomes to advance one’s unique journey.  To this end the spiritual leader will disseminate various different seeds and continue with his/her own journey.  Each individual will respond to the seed/s that resonate with them.

 

To this end the one disseminating the seeds (knowledge, wisdom etc) is tasked to only  sow the seeds.  One cannot make them germinate.  Each individual will respond to the seed relevant to their unique journey and the time taken for each seed to germinate  will vary.  For example apple seeds take 2-3 weeks to germinate and 2 to 8 years to bear fruit, mango seeds typically germinate within 1 to 3 weeks and can take 5-8 years to bear fruit , cocoa seeds take 12 to 18 months to germinate and 3-5 years to produce beans and the buccaneer palm can take 18 months to germinate and  reportedly  decades to reach maturity.

 

The spiritual journey is incredibly arduous, often soul stretching, mind bending and life wrenching hence one may come to the fold, fall off the spiritual wagon, leave to re-learn lessons, acquire more knowledge, shed baggage, encounter more challenges, take time out to heal or seek to understand themself or life better.  This takes time.  It takes as long as it takes and differs from person to person.  Their seed germinates and grows only when they are ready.  It cannot be hurried.  When they return to the spiritual path they are more inclined to stay, grow and thrive.

 

We would love to see others on the spiritual path learn, advance and reach their goals; which stems from our measurement of growth within our linear time frame.  However, we are reminded that only the present exists.  There is no past, no future, therefore time is irrelevant.  Once seeds are sown, the task is done, they will germinate; we just don’t know when.  Regardless, at some point the fruits of labour will be seen from wherever we may be and a bountiful harvest will prevail.