The Previous post, Self-Inquiry or Inquiry of Others, Part 1, delved into aspects of the self we prefer to avoid. Unfortunately those areas tend to require more work and effort than areas that are working well. Exploring the favourable aspects of ourselves is not to be undervalued as they reveal our strengths, admirable qualities and areas where we experience success. It is important to acknowledge these areas so they can be enhanced to serve us better. Polishing and refining these aspects of ourselves can assist us in managing more effectively the changes required in the areas that need transformation.
The crux of the previous post was around my choice to find myself, my path, and my purpose based on self-exploration. That was just the beginning. It is always work in progress as self-inquiry in not a destination. Aware of this I sought more and I enquired further. The deeper one delves into the self the more one discovers. I came to learn and realise aspects of myself I had no idea existed. These insights would never have come to the fore had I not gone within to enable it. What follows is a more practical explanation of how it showed up for me:
· Emotional Control
It gave me a greater sense of my emotions, the nature of my emotions, the dynamics of my emotions and the reasons thereof. For example, in the past I often felt tense, heavy, strained or stressed when I was compelled to accept something I did not agree with; and without question. I was further frustrated when others could not keep an open mind and listen to diverse perspectives or when age or gender was used as the rationale for being right. It would anger me if they took a side based on preference, demonstrated ineffective leadership or was simply resistant to change based on their limiting beliefs. My experience of such individuals, judgement of their behaviours and responses to their actions revealed aspects of myself, that I needed to explore. The problem was not them, the problem was my perspective and reaction to their thinking, behaviours or actions. I wasted time, energy, effort and so much more from becoming stressed, frustrated, angry or simply being emotionally reactive. They were showing me what I needed to change about myself. Fundamentally we cannot or should not attempt to change others, we can and should always persevere in changing ourselves befittingly. Others have the right to be who they are or as they are just as I have the right to do the same. Such insights gave meaning to my interpretations, comprehension, perspectives, reactions, frustrations and more relative to my communications with others which taught me to configure responses better and maintain more effective emotional regulation.
· Improved Choices, Decisions and Outcomes
Exploring myself, my relationship with those close to me and the outer world enabled me to re-visit my values, principles, beliefs and everything important to me. What clearly worked in the past was no longer sustainable. Much had changed. I recognised a stark misalignment between my beliefs and what I deemed to be meaningful, important or just. Understanding myself improved my understanding of others and my world which now enables me to make choices and decisions, aligned with my values which notably produced outcomes acceptable to me and relevant to my journey. Outcomes such as peace, acceptance and quietude.
· Personal Growth
Riding the waves, facing fears, confronting shadows, wrestling challenges etc compelled that I be prepared for anything. I had to keep an open mind, build resilience, manage shocks, see things for what they are, drop expectations, adapt when required, make uncomfortable or controversial changes. By far the most powerful lesson was to trust and believe in myself. I learned the value of self-reliance, having faith, looking inward for answers, trusting my intuition, developing endurance and never dropping god especially when times tempt it.
· The False Self
Aspects of the “false self” provided perhaps the most indispensable insights. These were essentially roles, titles, characteristics, acquisitions, achievements, beliefs etc driven by ego, sensory gratification or conditioned molding. It is the identity that develops over time based on how we are seen by those outside of ourself. This identity can be constructed around how we would like to be seen (as opposed to who we are), it may be shaped haphazardly if one is unaware or it could be influenced by family, social norms and so on. It is associated with fitting into society, being recognised or gaining approval or alignment with norms, expectations, competition etc.
My false self was nourished by meeting familial expectations in acquiring a host of qualifications and titles, conforming with social norms relative to career, lifestyle and limiting beliefs. My preference to not fully disclose personal aspects of myself or my life to others has and continues to pique curiosity and interest from many around me. I realised years ago that titles, acquisitions or anything of material value did not and does not define me. My false identity created much dissonance, discomfort and discontent which necessitated changes. In recognising much of my false self I prioritised work to align with my true self, my true nature.
· The True Self
My interests, attention, values, beliefs, ideas and convictions are progressively becoming my own. I value them, they resonate with me and I am able to change, adapt or recreate as I please. My view of myself is authentic and is the view for others to see. It gives me a sense of calm, peace and quietness, that was not reachable before.
Understanding a bit about the True Self is by no means the end of the journey, I would peg it as the beginning. It did not take long before my attention sped off to exploring more of the True Self. I wanted to know more about my consciousness (my soul), who I am at that level and my connection to the universe. What is my connection with the universe… the one thing that keeps me here?. The one thing I came with and the very thing I will leave with, in returning to the universe. I found this to be the breath. Indeed…the breath.
There may be numerous writers, experts, philosophers out there who explored the breath and beyond; please be reminded that this is merely a personal share, guided to be written by my mentor, my guru, the master of my universe; sage Agasthya.
I perceive my breath as my identity in this universe. I am connected with the universe via my breath and the universe is connected to me via my breath. Work on understanding the breath enhanced my understanding of the self, elevated my connection with the universe, enriched my spiritual practices (silence) and increasingly produced favourable results. Some of these results included a more heightened connection with the universe such as frequent synchronicities, a greater experience of calm and tranquillity in nature and an improved understanding of the functioning and operations within nature and the universe itself. Spending time alone with myself has become my wealthiest investment, enriched by silence, stillness and calm. I frequently gather insights and answers to what I seek and am able to make connections thereof to my challenges, defeats and life lessons. At this point it, is important to note that everyone including youself have the ability to do this. It is not an extraordinary feat available to a selected few. It does not make me special or privildeged by any stretch of the imagination. We are all connected to the universe but maya, under the cloak of disturbances obscures our realisation of this truth.
The journey continues…
Self-Reflection
I encourage you to journal, document and capture your spiritual ventures, enquiries, endeavours, findings and more…drop the fear…your True Self beckons…