The Oxford Dictionary defines "awakening", as the act of becoming aware or understanding something new, or the start of something like a feeling or realization. It can also signify the beginning of something, like a revival or a new period of interest”. I guess the term can also mean different things to different people. I am fascinated by the hype the word has attracted in recent times.
In the previous two posts I ventured into exploring and understanding myself at a deeper level. It was indeed a useful endeavour. I experienced, realised, recognised and became aware of many aspects of myself. I delved deeper. I spent more time in silence, just being. I often starred out my patio at the tree tops, listened to the birds, watched the clouds in the sky, admired the magnificence of the flowers. Just starring..no thoughts. It reminded me of times in primary school when as learners we looked out the window and drifted into a daydream and the teacher furiously dragged our attention back to his/her lesson. The daydream was so precious, peaceful, restful, comforting. When we drift off into thoughtlessness now, life pulls us back, almost as aggressively.
My moments of peace, tranquillity and calm became more noticeable over time. In those moments burdens dropped, the feeling of being captured eroded, experience of life as daunting faded, strength from new gained freedom amplified and a sense of complete lightness became obvious. And with that I let it all go, there was no gain from constantly swimming upstream, planning things to detail, having expectations, striving, seeking, searching, overextending, stressing, worrying, controlling. There is no control. There is value in managing expectations, being ready for unpredictable outcomes, taking more balanced than polarised views, seeing people, situations and the world as they are, allowing life to unfold naturally, using thought, knowledge and intellect purposefully and being aware and mindful of all thoughts and actions. This realisation or state is ego centred and very much of mind/body experience which nonetheless is not to be scoffed at. It is necessary to manage our daily lives whether at work, interacting with people or meeting other life related responsibilities.
I went on to question “what and who exactly did I realise?”. Turns out it was my mind…my body…that which I am not. There was never anything to realise. I can just be …and it requires no practice nor effort. It requires nothing. There is nothing to awaken. In doing nothing and allowing life to flow, I can just be. There is no pressure or desire to seek anything more. Seeking would be ego centric.
I am happy to just gaze at the view outside my patio and happier that no teacher is going to disturb me…